Shame is a feeling of being unworthy, bad, or wrong which can be extremely uncomfortable. Shame has the potential to change the way we see ourselves and may lead to long-lasting social, professional, and sexual difficulties. The word “shame” means different things to different people. It involves negative feelings about oneself, and although a person can be shamed by peers or society in general, shame can also be experienced secretly. Unresolved shame can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Shame may also be a symptom of some mental health diagnoses, such as body dysmorphia, or the product of a traumatic experience, such as rape or sexual assault.
It’s important to understand that perfectionism is a function of shame. The areas where we struggle the most with perfectionism are the areas where we are most likely to experience shame. Perfectionism is not striving for excellence - which is internally motivated (Brene Brown- Dare to Lead). Perfectionism is driven by external evaluation - what will people think? Self-compassion and empathy can also be helpful tools for shame driven by perfectionism. Any negative or critical self-assessment can result in shame and occurs when a person becomes overly focused on perceived mistakes, flaws, and negative traits. In moments of shame, people lose sight of their strengths, abilities or positive qualities. Sometimes these self-critical beliefs have an element of truth, but they are often greatly distorted and exaggerated when compared to a more global assessment of a person’s character.
Join Sam and Rebecca this Nov 20th (Saturday) 8pm-10pm as they talk about THE ART OF COACHING. Learn to self-coach to identify and understand your emotional drivers so you can manage your emotions from inside out. Register here!
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