People can experience shame in response to any current, past or imagined future situation that triggers a negative self-evaluation, but it mainly happens when existing insecurities or negative beliefs are exposed. These existing insecurities usually develop early on in life in response to painful experiences of being criticized, rejected or hurt. These “shaming” experiences cause people to internalize negative beliefs about themselves and to see specific mistakes, flaws or character defects as threats that could keep them from being accepted or loved.
The first step in moving on from your shame is to understand what it is all about. This is because it will be impossible for you to heal from your shame if you haven’t identified it for what it is. Getting perspective on your shame and understanding where it has come from and how it influences your current decisions through emotional memories will go a long way towards preventing your shame from ruling your life.
Now that you have identified and acknowledged your shame, it is time to work on embracing your shame. While this might feel counterintuitive, in order to heal from your feelings of shame, it is necessary to bring those feelings out from your internal world into the light of day. It is natural that you will want to put up defenses and barriers when doing this work. It’s important to show yourself love and acceptance and to surround yourself with people who will also show you the same. You need a safe place to belong and a group that will shower you with unconditional love. If you don’t already have that in your life, seek it out from friends, family, or even a support group.
Join Sam and Rebecca this Nov 20th (Saturday) 8pm-10pm as they talk about THE ART OF COACHING. Learn to self-coach to identify and understand your emotional drivers so you can manage your emotions from inside out. Register here!